Truth be told

armlarnantors: I AM SO PROUD. This is Cady. She is 15. She is...

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 00:53:02 -0500

I AM SO PROUD. This is Cady. She is 15. She is my best friends little sister.

No it's not okay.

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 05:42:11 -0500

No I do NOT want to be an alcoholic.
Yes it IS okay to sleep for 10 hours a day if you can.
No it is NOT okay to be a homophobic assholes who knees my boyfriend in the crotch.

Who the fuck cares if you were molested? So was 1/4th of the population and they are coping fine. Get over it you sick fuck.

Try and stand up for me once in a while here. Maybe you’d find you actually like me again!

I don’t not want to be a part of this anymore.

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Mon, 05 Dec 2011 00:26:05 -0500

Truth be told, somethings wrong.

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 01:50:43 -0400

I am feeling unsatisfied again. I have the urge to move, to get out, and since I can’t I feel stuck. I feel sucked in and am sitting here begging someone, I don’t know who, god, the earth, the eternal light, something, to take me away, to give me the ability to become my own. I need change. I am sick of living off of somebody else. Every dollar I spend I have not earned. I probably sound like a spoiled brat.

I just want to be able to feel like I am worth something. I am sure I am worth a million bucks to at least one person, but to myself all I see is emptiness. There’s a void that is lusting for adventure, for independence. I find myself clinging on to things that never really fill a person. Things like drunken nights. I can’t believe I am actually craving drunken nights. I am craving dance. I am craving crowds, and noise, anything to fill me without me having to do any real work on myself.

I am relying on other materialistic things to keep me afloat. It’s not working.

The one most frustrating part of it all is I don’t know how to fix it. There are a few answers, but none I can work with yet. Hopefully, as time goes by, and money falls into my lap, things will become clearer.

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Mon, 18 Jul 2011 19:10:17 -0400

Truth be told, you were right.

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 02:13:13 -0400

It breaks my heart to know how right you were.

This isn’t the type of thing someone should be allowed to be right about. I’m scared it won’t ever change.

It isn’t fair.

I shouldn’t have to worry about these things.
Maybe her intentions were good.

But good intentions pave the path to hell.
I feel like the one responsible. Like I’m the one taking care of her.
She’s the one who was supposed to raise me.

It kills me to know how much she hates it.
She knows what she’s doing. She can’t help it.
She doesn’t have a choice.

I guess I’ve learned my lesson.

Truth Be told, I'm lost and then I'm found.

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 04:35:12 -0400

Ever felt like a part of you has disappeared?

We all start out pure it is true. No damage, no tainting, just a body of energy full of curiosity. We show our emotions without question, trusting only our instincts and what we feel to lead us on our way. It isn’t until our environment is introduced that we begin to change. Pieces of clay can be molded into art, or they can be pressed into mush, depending on the makers determination.

I will say happily I was created well. Not by experienced or practiced hands, but by those who have always had the talent, but never the skills. I grew like a willow; branches spiraling out, untrimmed, but beautiful in all it’s organized chaos. And as time went by branches were trimmed back, leaves were plucked, names were carved into the soft bark of my trunk to try and reach my roots. Within time, I have become what I am today.

In high school you begin as a child, and by the end I think everyone leaves with a sense of confidence. Most everyone feels like they’ve managed to mold themselves into something they like. I was one of them. I would never say anything bad about anyone that last year, I looked past myself to see the big picture, I was conscious. The world was beautiful and I was in tune with everything, there was magic all around, and though bad things happened, positivity swirled in the back of my mind at the thought of others circumstances. Of other molders, and other kinds of art. I left high school feeling ready. I wanted to jump into life.

But it changed quickly. I became someone I hated. As I began my independence I could feel the fall. I scraped at the cement wall of it trying to reach my way back to companion-ship. Out of desperation, I broke off my nails and didn’t even notice. I began to gossip, I laughed at other people not even a thought of what might be happening in their life crossing my mind. I tried only to impress, to earn the rights of the pedestal. I became lost in the media, lost in materialism, lost in myself, and the people around me, so much so that I lost sight of anything but the tiny world in which I had become obsessed with.

I regressed. I feel as if I have started again, I am at the beginning of my life again. I am no longer a Freshman though, as I most recently was, now I’m a Junior, in the summer to my Senior. I felt myself slip away from what was most important to me, and somehow I have manged to catch myself. But now I have a problem. I don’t know how to communicate, my confidence is shot, it’s as if I walk into a room and people turn simply to watch as I look at the ground. Why is my chin no longer to the sky where I know it belongs?

Truth be told though, I know there is hope. As awkward as I feel in a room full of peers, I have found the ability to step outside where the sun has shone on my face, where the wind has swept me up, warm and comforting, with smells of summer, and the promise of rebirth. I look to the sky now, arms outstretched, tasting the sweetness of life and all that comes with it, marveling at the great chaotic plan that we lay out for ourselves. There are many who go their journey with not a look to that sky. Not a scent of summer tickles their nose. The wind only pushes them, never carries. It is the path they must take true, but I am glad and I remind myself everyday just how lucky I am to feel the warmth in a stream instead of the cold. To have carved my own branches, and molded my own sculpture, rather then to have had someone do so for me. Life leads us to a place where we are meant to be. Good or bad…it is you who must choose whether to be pushed. I have chosen my way. Even if I’ve strayed, the path always finds me again, and I can’t help but be swept off my feet by the seducer called life.

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Sun, 03 Jul 2011 05:52:48 -0400

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Sun, 03 Jul 2011 05:51:29 -0400

Truth be told it's for the coffee cake

Sat, 02 Jul 2011 23:06:11 -0400

For the coffee cake.

For sleeping in your bed.

For the chocolate milk.

For the sisters.

For the life.

For the love.

For saving me.

For the clothes.

For the muffins.

For the finger nail polish.

For the rides to school.

Disregard the moving.

Disregard the divorce.

Disregard the alcohol.

Disregard the men.

Disregard the man.

Disregard the fights.

Disregard the unreliability.

No one will ever know but you and me.

Truth be told, I'm sorry

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 18:18:48 -0400

I need to make peace. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have. There were times when I know I did the right thing and other times when I know you did the right thing, and there were times when I know I did the wrong thing and I know you did the wrong thing. I would take certain things back. My mind is constantly full of ways to restore, without giving the wrong idea. Truth be told, I want to forgive. I want to forgive you for every yucky feeling I’ve ever had because of you. I know I am at fault though too, so most of all I want to forgive myself. I want to forgive myself for the bad things I did, for the wrong things said at the wrong time, for everything I managed to mess up. For hurting you. Truth be told, I’m sorry. I am sorry. And truth be told, I never know if you’ll ever forgive me. But I think I can forgive myself. And that’s all that matters anymore.

Truth be told, I want to change the world

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 02:43:15 -0400

So, I am starting this blog, to put it out there. I think everyone really needs the validation of putting their own thoughts into the universe, whether that’s by posting them on the internet, writing them down in a journal, or ranting to a friend. Truth be told, I doubt anyone will ever read this. But I desperately hope people will. I want the world to look at my thoughts, and think about their own. I want people to think before they act, examine their own souls and find the beauty that blossoms inside each person. But most of all, I want inspiration. I hope to inspire those who glance over this not-very-well-done blog to know that no matter what happens in their lives, there is good inside of them. There is another side to every story, and by understanding that, I think that is when people begin to make that transition that leads to wisdom.

I hope that by bringing these things to light, that the world could improve. Truth be told though, it probably won’t, for people only change when they want to.

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Thu, 23 Jun 2011 20:48:37 -0400

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Thu, 23 Jun 2011 13:06:55 -0400