I am feeling unsatisfied again. I have the urge to move, to get out, and since I can’t I feel stuck. I feel sucked in and am sitting here begging someone, I don’t know who, god, the earth, the eternal light, something, to take me away, to give me the ability to become my own. I need change. I am sick of living off of somebody else. Every dollar I spend I have not earned. I probably sound like a spoiled brat.

I just want to be able to feel like I am worth something. I am sure I am worth a million bucks to at least one person, but to myself all I see is emptiness. There’s a void that is lusting for adventure, for independence. I find myself clinging on to things that never really fill a person. Things like drunken nights. I can’t believe I am actually craving drunken nights. I am craving dance. I am craving crowds, and noise, anything to fill me without me having to do any real work on myself.

I am relying on other materialistic things to keep me afloat. It’s not working.

The one most frustrating part of it all is I don’t know how to fix it. There are a few answers, but none I can work with yet. Hopefully, as time goes by, and money falls into my lap, things will become clearer.